How to Get Out of Your Own Way: Stop Overthinking and Start Trusting Yourself

Sometimes the biggest thing standing between you and what you want isn’t a lack of ability; it’s the amount of thinking you’re doing about it.

You know what you probably need to do - have the conversation, make the decision, say no, apply for the thing, ask for what you want, or stop doing the thing that is draining the life out of you.

But instead, your brain opens seventeen tabs and starts a full internal investigation.

What if I get it wrong?

What if they’re annoyed?

What if I regret it?

What if I’m being unreasonable?

Maybe I should wait until I’m more certain.

And before you know it, something that could have been dealt with on Wednesday over a cuppa is now living rent-free in your head!

Not because you’re weak, lazy or incapable; it’s usually the opposite.

It’s mainly because you’ve probably become very good at anticipating problems, keeping things running and thinking several moves ahead.

These are useful skills to have…..until your brain starts applying them to absolutely everything.

Why do we get in our own way?

There’s usually more going on than simple procrastination.

Many women have spent years absorbing messages about how we’re supposed to behave.

Be nice.

Be helpful.

Don’t be difficult.

Don’t upset anyone.

Get it right.

Look like you know what you’re doing.

Don’t take up too much space.

And somehow be confident while also making sure nobody thinks you’re too confident.

A perfectly straightforward brief, obviously.
These are just some of the directions we are given from the day we are born. No wonder we can’t get out of our own way when we’ve been programmed to be compliant from age 0. 

Is it any wonder we can’t ask for the pay rise?

So when you’re trying to make a change, speak up, set a boundary or do something that feels exposed, it makes sense that your brain might hit the brakes.

You’re not just dealing with the decision in front of you; you’re often dealing with years of learned expectations about what might happen if you disappoint someone, get it wrong or make yourself more visible.

That’s why ‘just be confident’ is fairly useless advice.

You need something more practical.

1. Stop treating every decision like the end of days

Overthinking often comes from the belief that there is one correct decision and your job is to find it if you think hard enough, research long enough or ask enough people their opinion.

Eventually the perfect answer will reveal itself.

Except plenty of decisions don’t work like that.

Sometimes there are two reasonable options - you won’t know whether you made the ‘right’ choice until much later, or there isn’t a right choice at all - just a choice, followed by whatever you decide to do next.

One of the most useful things you can practice is asking:

Do I actually need more information, or am I looking for more certainty?

They’re not the same thing.

You can gather all the useful information, but certainty is much harder to come by. At some point, you have to trust yourself enough to make the call.

2. Notice how self-sabotage actually shows up

Self-sabotage rarely walks into the room wearing a badge; it tends to look a lot more reasonable.

You tell yourself:

I’m just waiting for the right time.

I need to think about it properly.

I’ll do it when things calm down.

I just need to get a bit more organised first.

Maybe I’m not ready yet.

And sometimes those things are true, but sometimes they’re fear.

Look for the patterns.

Do you procrastinate when there’s a chance you’ll be judged?

Do you become a perfectionist when something matters to you?

Do you suddenly need everyone’s opinion when you already know what you want?

Do you make a decision and then immediately start trying to talk yourself out of it?

Do you fill your time with smaller, easier jobs instead of dealing with the uncomfortable thing?

Those are useful clues, Sherlock, not to be used as ammunition for beating yourself up.

3. Get clearer on what you actually want

It’s difficult to move forward when you’re trying to make decisions based on everybody else’s preferences.

What will they think? What would they do? What would be easiest for them? What should I want? What sounds sensible?

All of that creates noise.

Try bringing it back to two questions:

What do I want more of?

What do I want less of?

More space? More interesting work? More confidence? More time with your family? More rest? More honesty?

Less rushing? Less resentment? Less second-guessing? Less responsibility for everybody else’s feelings? Less time spent doing things you don’t actually want to do?

This doesn’t give you a five-year strategic plan.

Good, because you don’t need one - you just need enough clarity to make the next decision.

4. Check whether the problem is actually a boundary

A surprising amount of overwhelm has a boundary problem hiding underneath it.

Too much on your plate, people constantly interrupting your time, you agreeing to things you don’t have capacity for.

Other people’s emergencies becoming your emergencies, or you feeling responsible for smoothing over everybody else’s discomfort.

Boundaries are not about becoming hard or uncaring.

They help you get clearer about where your responsibility ends.

And sometimes the boundary you need isn’t even with another person; it might be with yourself.

Stop checking your email at 10pm or reopening a decision you already made or saying yes immediately or comparing your life with somebody else’s carefully edited one online.

Stop treating every free hour as space that needs to be filled.

The difficult part usually isn’t knowing what the boundary should be; it’s tolerating how uncomfortable it can feel to hold it.

5. Stop waiting to feel completely confident

Confidence is often treated like an entry requirement.

Once I feel confident, I’ll do the thing.

Once I stop feeling nervous, I’ll speak up.

Once I know exactly what I’m doing, I’ll make the move.

Unfortunately, confidence is often built in the opposite order.

You do something while still feeling a bit wobbly and you survive it, then your brain notices and you have a little more evidence that you can handle yourself.

That’s how self-trust grows - not by convincing yourself that everything will go perfectly, but by learning that even when it doesn’t, you can deal with what happens next.

6. Watch that pesky comparison spiral

Comparison can make you abandon perfectly good decisions because someone else appears to be doing life better than you.

They’re further ahead, more organised, more confident, more successful, more relaxed.

Annoyingly drinking green juice at sunrise (so says their Insta) while running three companies and maintaining excellent boundaries.

Meanwhile, you’re looking for your phone while holding your phone.

The problem is you’re comparing your full, messy reality with a tiny slice of somebody else’s curated life, and then making decisions about yourself based on it.

If comparison is making you question your own direction, come back to:

What matters to me?

What works for my life?

What am I actually trying to create here?

While their path looks interesting, it might not be for you.

7. Try the smallest useful action

Getting out of your own way doesn’t usually require one enormous act of courage.

Often it’s something much less dramatic.

Send the email.

Say, “I can’t do that this week.”

Ask the question.

Write the first line of the book.

Make the decision and leave it made.

Small actions matter because they interrupt the pattern and you stop proving to yourself that you’re stuck and start collecting evidence that you can move forward.

You don't need to become a different person

This is the bit I think matters most.

Getting out of your own way doesn't mean becoming fearless, relentlessly confident or completely unbothered by what anyone thinks.

You’re still going to overthink occasionally, have moments where you doubt yourself, or make decisions you later wish you’d handled differently.

Welcome to being a human.

The difference is noticing the pattern sooner.

Catching yourself before you disappear down the rabbit hole.

Recognising when fear is dressing itself up as ‘being sensible‘.

Setting the boundary even though it feels awkward.

Trusting that you can deal with whatever happens next.

That’s the work - not becoming someone else, but becoming more comfortable just being yourself.

If you're tired of getting stuck in the same loops

This is exactly the kind of thing I work on with women inside BLAZE Your Trail.

Overthinking. Second-guessing. Self-sabotage. Boundaries. Mental load. Confidence.

The patterns that keep showing up even though you’re perfectly capable of understanding them intellectually.

We work with what’s actually happening in your life and turn insight into something practical - different decisions, clearer boundaries and more trust in yourself.

Because knowing what you should do and actually doing it are two very different things.

And you don't need another list of things you should be better at, you just need a way forward that works for you.

Blaze Your Trail. Not theirs. Yours.